Aging with Wisdom

The Thrivers and the Witherers

My neighbor continues teaching in a graduate program at a major university. When asked when he’ll retire, he replied that he wants to continue because he loves the intellectual engagement of working with the students. Two of my highschool teachers are still teaching decades after I graduated. A friend enjoys a third career as a published author, travelling to give talks and promote her books. Another friend never seems to stop moving, between volunteering, engagement with his church, serving on committees, walking, visiting the gym and frequent travel. Yet another friend is rarely without a social engagement.

What do all these people share in common? They’re in or near their 70s. What else do they have in common? None has crippling health problems that impede their continuing to do what they want to do, and they all seem to stay emotionally grounded and bounce back from setbacks even while some have experienced tragedy in their lives. And while their lives don’t look the same - they’ve each chosen different paths - what they’ve found is a continued meaningful engagement with life.

I’ll call these types of people the thrivers. I want to age like they are. Having the opportunity to observe from a bird’s eye perch, what I see is less that they’ve found meaning as if it’s some kind of pinnacle you search out and finally reach where you then remain in a state of stasis, so much as these people have made meaning in their lives. If something’s not working the way they’d like it, they make change when and as they can.

Segue to another type of people I know who I’ll call the witherers. In the family I grew up in, there were six of us. Of those, two died young in their 50s, two live with chronic, crippling illness, and then there are the remaining two, of which I’m lucky (?) to be one, though I don’t think luck is how I’d frame it. What do the first four share in common? They lived for decades with chronic stress which also likely means you’re not attending to your body, mind or spirit in ways they’re calling for. I also know people who stay mired in negative thinking patterns feeling their lives are unfair and only bad things happen to them, who complain frequently, stay stuck in a past they can no longer have, and all the rest.

So, what makes for healthy aging? I’ve long observed that our bodies are essentially ecosystems, not a conglomeration of parts that have no relation to each other, and that they are always trying to come back into balance. When we live our lives out of balance for prolonged periods, the body starts to break down. I once heard a great podcast with a talk between a physician and a therapist talking about mental illness in which they made the great point which I feel is being increasingly recognized and that is that most illness is bio-psycho-social. That is, illness has a biological component, a psychological component and a social component.

I’ll share a few snippets on what makes up health that she terms “the four pillars of health” from a great Substack post below from Mary Ann Rollano, a retired nurse educator and award-winning botanical formulator:

1. Body: Remembering the Terrain
Your body is not a machine; it is a terrain, shaped daily by what touches, enters, and surrounds it. Every cell in you listens to nutrients, toxins, microbiome signals—and to emotion, carried through hormones and immune messengers.

For over a century, medicine has focused on pathology. We treat disease as an invasion instead of an imbalance, and so we fight it, often with more chemical force. But homeostasis cannot be commanded into being; it must be coaxed.

2. Mind: When Perception Becomes Chemistry
Every thought becomes chemistry. Every sense of threat—whether it’s the daily news, the bills on your desk, or an echo of old trauma—activates cascades of stress hormones. Over time, this becomes a language of imbalance.

3. Spirit: Meaning as Medicine

In critical care, I witnessed what our metrics struggled to explain. Two patients with identical lab numbers and diagnoses—one lives, one doesn’t. After years of this, I learned to look beyond metrics. Something else shapes the outcome.

I call it spirit, others call it soul or life force. What’s important is that it is real and that healing cannot occur in the absence of meaning.

4. Relationship: Ecology as the Hidden Healer
When I write about body, mind, spirit, and emotional well-being as the four pillars, I’m not describing four separate compartments inside a single human being. I’m describing four relational fields—each one defined by how we interact with other living systems: people, places, and the wider community of life and reduced flexibility.

4 Pillars of Health to Bring Your Body Back to Balance

What the other side looks like according to this article from a site called Global English is -

Constant complaining, lack of patience, increased isolation, resistance to change, negative outlook, increased criticism of younger generations, loss of empathy.

https://geediting.com/people-who-become-increasingly-intolerant-of-the-world-as-they-get-older-usually-display-these-behaviors/

Lest we get too critical of the witherers, the article ends with the following thoughts we might consider -

"Remember, intolerance isn’t about being grumpy or bitter. It’s a reflection of a person’s struggle to adapt to the world around them.

It’s a sign of discomfort with change and a longing for familiarity.

This isn’t just about understanding others. It’s about understanding ourselves too.

As we age, we all encounter changes that we find hard to accept. We all have the potential to become more intolerant.

So, the next time you notice these behaviors in someone, consider what it says about their internal struggles."

Something else to note is that it need be neither an inevitable nor permanent state being a witherer. It does require noticing, reflecting and acting with intention to make change. Whoever coined the sentence that “Life is a journey, not a destination” I think got it right.

Which will you be - a thriver or a witherer? And if you find you lean more to the latter, what’s one small thing you could do differently this coming week to start making that change?

Happy weekend. Apparently, I’ll be indoors doing indoor things. We in the southern U.S. are getting uncharacteristic snowfall.

Peace.